This Is Me

by | 16 Nov, 2020 | Holistic healing

The glory of discovering and loving who you are.

Hi!
I am writing this completely out of the blue.
Whether it be from inspiration, or out of procrastination (my to do list should really be called “can’t be bothered to do today list”), it doesn’t really matter, because I am going to honor this right now, and then move on with the rest of my day…
I know I will find out why I am hijacking myself by the end of this exercise…
 
So here goes:
 
As you probably know, I’m all about connecting the dots and being of service.
 
Working out what makes people tick.
Why we behave in a way or another.
What energies we give off, down to what colours are a good idea for the psyche or not.
How to best say things.
How to feel through things.
How to love and move through things.
 
I was the kid who read all about mythology at 8.
I was the kid who couldn’t handle the number of legs on a shrimp, or lack thereof on a fish.
The one with knee problems.
The one who would fly into a rage if someone was mean or deliberately pushing buttons.
The one who was bullied because she had no filter and told people what was going on in their heads when they were being jerks.
The one puberty hit hard in the space of a year.
The one who was always ill with laryngitis or some cough, who lost her voice.
The one who was so stubborn she’d stay in the same spot in the middle of a room and sulk for two hours while the adults would gaslight and invalidate to assert their authority, proclaim their lack of time to deal with a small person’s willpower, and leave, closing the door behind.
The one who kept being told to be quiet because she had a voice like a, quote, « noisemaker ».
 
I was also always the funny one.
The talkative one.
The one who laughed way louder and faster than everyone else.
The one teacher in a posh private English school, who would cause havoc in her own classroom, turn up in a home-made Teletubby outfit, teach adjectives by tossing Mr Men teddies at the kids, leaving them happy and with new engrained language skills they didn’t have coming in.
The one who to this day remembers the lyrics to Metallica or Guns n’ Roses songs from when she was 16.
The airhead who forgets every shopping list and has to have an Amazon echo dot in every room for reminders.
The one with a lived-in, comfortable shabby chic home wherever in the world.
The one who wants several homes in different countries and landscapes and wanted to live at IKEA as a teenager, just to be able to change atmospheres.
 
I was always the one who would translate things for free, speak or write to others for hours on end, asking for nothing in return, and often to complete strangers, because they need heart space.
The one who stayed with a very hurt and hurtful man between the ages of 19 and 42 (divorce still going-urgh) and took THAT LONG to figure out there was nothing I could possibly do to improve things, even by looking for the good, the positive and the funny, when in fact the only lesson was to love ME and walk away.
 
 
I hadn’t been taught or shown by my environment how to love or protect myself, but I did it naturally for others, always.
I had no boundaries whatsoever, firstly because I never thought that others would crush them. 
Shh look inside (image)
By the time it had become obvious to others that I was meant to facilitate healing by just being me and doing my thing, I still had my eyes closed to both the useful, and the not so useful patterns.
It’s funny how blind to ourselves we can be, isn’t it?
Those who had dealt with me in the healing “capacity” kept telling me, because I had said the right thing, poked the right emotional bruise, kicked someone’s ass the way they needed, said the wrong thing so they could verbalise the right thing. But I had a hard time finding my place in that. Asking for payment? You’re having a laugh!! 
 
One thing I often hear is “Remember when you said…”, and that’s when I think “Uh oh… this could be anything”, because I do talk a lot of funny, whatever the situation, but I have no recollection at all. I shall digress with this one, because it’s funny and you might find it useful:
My friend Inga told me I’d saved her evening routine months before. I had no idea. And to this day I don’t’ remember the initial conversation, like a lot of what I know now were “flow” conversations where I was just tuned in. Her preteen son was hard to get in the shower without a battle of wits. You know how us mothers co-nag the kids in front of our friends? Well, she told me in front of him (it takes a village), and apparently I told him he HAD to have a shower, to which he had enquired “WHY?”. Fair question, kid. Fair question. “Because I said so” was the standard answer I was always served as a child (rings a bell?). But to this boy I simply said “Because you have a butt”.
And just like that, there were no more shower fights. Wisdom. Right there. Ha!
I wish she’d reminded me earlier, because I’d started to have the same fight with one of my girls, and it’s only when I mentioned it that she reminded me of what I’d said. It works! Here is to forgetting how to use your tools. Cheers.
 
Show up (image)
Anyway, back to our topic.
 
We are who we are and we do our thing because of whom we are and what we went through. This is who we are, as a whole. The full package as it were.
 
 
And so by the time I started accepting I wasn’t “just” a mother, “just a teacher” (not judgment here, ok?), “just” a friend, “just” that person someone find themselves opening to, I was able to take a step back, look at the c… I had gone through, and really SEE that I had been learning how to be a healer “the official way”, but not embraced the backdrop: whom I was.
 
 
 
I had studied Reiki, learned how to tune in to oracle cards. I was listening to the voice that said “you will lose this earring today”…
I was starting to say no to things that weren’t aligned and I was definitely seeing myself shedding some toxic relationships and patterns.
I had become an aromatherapist and had been enhancing our wellbeing, and had trained as a hypnotist too. I thought that was the way to do and validate things: you learn, you get the certificate, you apply, and then only can you charge for it, because that’s the value you add to people’s lives: your certification.
 
Imagine the cognitive dissonance between the comments and what I internalised about my voice, and the feedback I was getting as a Hypnotist. “I love your voice.”, “I love falling asleep to the sound of your voice”. Well… to this day it still feels strange. Obviously I went from a child’s voice to an adult’s voice, but to me it doesn’t sound any different, it’s still me speaking, but I still get that twinge, because my subconscious took those comments as truth. 
 
How many of those “truths” are we all walking around with? How many are actually true for the you that you are today?
Be you, do you (image)
Except those things I was seeking were also seeking me (Rumi?, Is that you?). I stumbled across Shamanism, and that absolutely opened all the doors. Well, it kicked them open. I was connected. I had clairs. I had been using them for years without acknowledging what it all was.
 
It took me a long time to accept that I was programmed to be a Saint Bernard but I was beginning to see it. Be me, do me, feel good. Ok, that’s simple enough.
 
It’s a little strange, because there was in fact, no one to charge me up. It still saddens me to this day, not to have an understanding, nurturing male being in my day to day life, but I know my time will come. I am charged up by the grace of whatever has made me me. That could be enough, couldn’t it?
 
Like everyone else, I am a work in progress, but I know where I am going now. 
I practise with my Emotional Mind Reset MP3 on a regular basis. I cut myself some slack as often as I can. I get guidance from a small circle of trusted people. I get back to the old Me, check some boxes and goals off my list, check with the now Me on how we are doing, visit the future Me once in a while to see if we are still on an intercept course. 
I probably still need to shed a few patterns and blocks, we all do.
 
I did a fun experiment the other day. I am curious by nature and want to try every avenue. Astrology has always interested me (not the « today you will come across a pair of socks » kind). I met this lovely lady, called Misty  by “chance” (huh huh, we know what that means). She gave me a Life Path reading the other day. My jaw kept dropping every time she brought new details in… She presented me with another angle of me. In just a few minutes, down to “Ooh you have Scorpio here and there, no wonder you look under the surface and ended up this kind of a healer!”. Plus my Chiron this and node Node that. 
 
And.
It.
Just.
Makes.
Sense.
 
This is why I was on the healing path. And I am pretty happy to see that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, without pushing. By just being Me.
This is Me.
I facilitate healing. I serve my medicine.

It feels quietly glorious to finally be Me and live intently, to present Me to the world. Everyone should have the opportunity to feel this expansive.

So who can you be? Who are you? Who are you supposed to be Who’s your Me?                              

Are you ready to find out and to love on yourself fully so you can go forth, strong in the knowledge that you are working on your blocks, moving away from pain, and towards the things that light you up?          

I am working on a self-love and self-expression experience this week and the next. It will be out soon. It’s called This Is Me.

HA! I have had the name for a week, and it only NOW makes complete sense. I needed to get these words out to you.

Flow.                     

I tell you. It feels good to be in it… especially for a neuro diverse bod who thinks in fireworks fashion, doesn’t do linear, with some clairs and woowoo stuff thrown in… Everything comes in and I need to stop to be able to explain why each moving part is there at all. Now it’s all clear. 

I will ask you just a few questions below, now that I have myself the luxury of writing all this down and putting two and two together. You will know if I am speaking to you, or if I am knocking on doors you haven’t wanted to, or been able to open for a while. Because that’s where the healing is…:

Are you walking around with that feeling that something needs to change?

How do you get out of that sensation of being shrink wrapped in a rubbery bubble you can neither expand enough to get breathing space, or pierce through?

Are you witnessing a version of yourself you hadn’t planned on becoming, because of a role you have in life, a relationship or bags of stories you carry with you?

Do you go through life like you have a parachute slowing you down, rather than the wind in your sails?

Do you need a holiday from your own limiting self talk, or that of other people’s projection of you onto a screen you never asked for?

Is there a job you want to get, a project you want to start on, an idea you’ve had for years, like a seedling waiting to be planted in the right spot so it can finally take root and grow?

Are you living in the shadow of a parent or a sibling, forcing you to live through their filter, expectations and the role they picked for you so long ago?

Do you wish you could get out of some patterns or relationship dynamics without necessarily burning bridges or blasting out some truths? 

Are you even allowed to be yourself?

Do you have clarity on what you want, or are you living in the fog of the mental load that is now piloting your life?

These are only the tip of the iceberg of what we will work on in my THIS IS ME Healing experience. Your experience of YOU.

If you read this and the details are not out yet in a linked page to this one -there will be a way to get there-  (I might still be putting up the details together) Email me on contact@terralunainti.com putting THIS IS ME Healing Experience in your title so I can find you easily in my mailbox and I will get back to you as soon as it is ready.

Elsa At Terra Luna Inti (image)

I can't wait to hear about your wins.

Elsa

Creator of Emotional Mind Reset. Rapid Transformational Therapy® (RTT) Practitioner (Hypnosis), Mindscaper®, Aromatherapy Practitioner, Bach Flowers Practitioner, Access Consciousness Bars® Practitioner, Shaman, Certified Angel Guide, Certified Sound Healer (Tuning Forks and bowls), Reiki Practitioner, Sacred Freedom Technique Practitioner, CTP, PGCE MFL. Yup. I am a bit of a Swiss Army knife... 

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This